Let’s be real I was disgusted. This wasn’t just a simple like oh you sneezed let me wipe your little nose spray; this was a you have a nasty cold with green boogers oozing over your face please don’t eat that kind of wipe. I may have been secretly grossed out by it but I didn’t think twice to grab a tissue and wipe his cute little nose free of green monsters. And I did it three times. Maybe it was because I love this little boy (I mean look at that cute face!) or maybe it’s because I felt responsible for cleaning it up because I was the one holding him but either way I did it!
Dakota and I have this conversation all the time. The one where you talk about who will change diapers and who will clean up throw up. I have always been a huge NO when it comes to vomit and boogers. I can handle poopy diapers all day long but a kid running around with green slime on his face – get away from me! But yesterday I realized I can handle it. Maybe I can be a good mom one day after all.
My thoughts on being a mom are simple. I’m terrified. The idea of being responsible for raising a child is intimidating. I can barely keep my house clean as it is, I don’t know how to teach someone to read or write (and what if they are right handed?!), and how do you even hold a baby? They are so tiny and fragile! I am mostly afraid of not teaching my kids strong values. The world we live in today is pretty corrupt and I only see it getting worse. I want my kids to feel confident, safe, a comfortable talking to me about anything. I want them to experience life without a computer screen, to travel the world, go to Disneyland, and grow up without any fears or struggles.
Yes I know I am being irrational and if I really thought about it I think I would be an alright mom. Thankfully I have Dakota by my side because I know he will be the best dad one day! Even with all of these fears I know that I have strong values and will (hopefully) be a good living example to my future kids. Plus the fact that I willingly wiped a kids nose yesterday (who wasn’t even my kid) is a little sign that I’m getting more and more comfortable with the idea.