Knowing your spouses is just as important as knowing your own. My husbands love language is Physical Touch (which ironically is my lowest score) and his lowest score is Acts of Service.(again ironic!) so sometimes we both feel unappreciated. Having complete opposite love languages has been a challenge for both of us but not impossible! Physical Touch can be anything from holding hands, cuddling, being intimate, randomly getting back/foot rubs to something as simple as touching hands when you hand someone a blanket. Like I mentioned above this is not only how my husband prefers to receive love but also how he best expresses his love to me.
When I first learned about the love languages I didn’t think much about how we express our love. I thought “well if this is my love language than Dakota better step up his game!” which was selfish and unrealistic. I remember one day sitting at home and just feeling so unappreciated and so desperately wanted my husband to come home with flowers or take me on a surprise romantic date but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. That’s just not him and that’s okay. I realized that if I was feeling this way he probably was too. I was seeking for attention while also expressing my love in the only way I was comfortable which means he was most likely feeling unappreciated too. In that moment I took a step back and realized that if I wanted to feel connected with my husband I needed to connect with him the best way he will recognize it; physical touch.
Making sure I kiss him good morning before I leave for work, hugging him when he gets home from work, and sitting closely next to each other while watching Netflix was what he was needing; and I can handle that! Expressing love to someone in a love language you aren’t comfortable with can be difficult but rewarding. It’s also important to remember that every relationship is different and each person may view the relationship differently so we need to adjust how we express our love and appreciation accordingly.
I once had a friend who I considered to be my very best friend. I would tell her everything, ask her to hang out, and support her in everything she did. But one day I noticed that the relationship was exhausting and I couldn’t figure out why. Then I realized that even though I considered her to be my best friend and put in all the effort a best friend should get she didn’t consider me a best friend. I was working so hard at a relationship where the other person didn’t see the same value as me. I was hurt but was able to move on. We are still friends today but now we are just on the same level.
Every relationship we have whether it be with a spouse, friend, sibling, coworker, etc. has a level of connection. You wouldn’t show your sibling you love them the same way you show your spouse even if they have the same love language because the relationship is different. Communication is key in every relationship so take the time to figure out your love language. Have your partner take theirs as well and talk about the difference and similarities. Even if you do have the same love language it doesn’t mean you are still the same. If you are feeling disheartened or frustrated remember to recognize how your partner is showing their love. Just because they aren’t showing it the exact way you want it doesn’t mean they aren’t showing it.